Response to the Tiger Mom: When Parenting Crosses the Line

             

   Recently, the infamous Tiger Mom has created a stir, raising questions about when tough love goes too far. The news is filled with accounts of children committing suicide because they can’t handle the pressures of college. In such a fiercely competitive world is more pressure really what children need? Children already have to deal with the pressures that come from school and peers. Do they really need to have the added pressure that comes from harsh parenting?

                There is a point when tough parenting goes too far and it becomes harmful rather than helpful. The point of strict parenting is for children to be capable of succeeding in the future, but what if they don’t make it. Asian Americans are likely not to seek help when dealing with mental problems, due to the social stigma associate with them. Studies show that “Asian American women ages 15-24 have the highest suicide rate of women in any race or ethnic group in that age group. Suicide is the second-leading cause of death for Asian-American women in that age range” (Cohen).  This is because Asian parents are often more strict with daughters, which results in a higher tendency for females to become depressed. The model minority myth doesn’t help; it is only another source of pressure on Asian children. They are expected to succeed and that is a dangerous pressure.

Not only that, but when people are surrounded by others of a different ethnicity they begin to view beauty in terms of the other ethnicity. Many minorities begin to think of themselves as ugly and have low self esteem because they don’t see other Asians in prominent roles. There are so few Asian women in the media that it becomes difficult to find a role model. This sense of being different leads many women to seek other ways of becoming what they consider beautiful. Many undergo double-eyelid surgery to have eyes that look more European, and what they think looks prettier. This identity complex that many Asian women struggle with contributes to the risk of suicide.

Without help and support from parents, who are kids expected to turn to when they need support? It is a matter of mutual trust for a relationship between parent and child to succeed. Pressures from parents and a lack of understanding on their part could easily be doing more harm than benefit to children. Children need a balance of affection and discipline to be successful in the future.

Source:  Cohen, Elizabeth. "Push to achieve tied to suicide in Asian-American women." 16 May 2007. CNN. 2 March 2011 <http://articles.cnn.com/2007-05-16/health/asian.suicides_1_asian-american-families-asian-women-asian-american-parents?_s=PM:HEALTH>.